Sunday, November 04, 2012

Diary of a Real Pregnancy: Week 27 - You Know You're Pregnant WHEN...

I'm a member of a couple of different online mommy forums (hi ladies!), and recently on one we had a discussion about all the things that really only happen when you are pregnant. Too funny not to share. Enjoy!

You know you're pregnant when...
  • you eventually just work hurling into your daily routine
  • your belly greets people before the rest of you
  • you go to bed 10mins before husband to ensure that your entire 'routine' is done before he gets there: peeing, PJs, peeing, vitamins, lotion, peeing, fluffing pillow, possibly pee again, suddenly thirsty and get a drink of water, pee again, and crawl into bed, get your body pillow in place and finally lie there trying to catch your breath
  • you need other people to put your socks, shoes etc on you
  • putting your unwashed hair in a ponytail and not wearing any makeup becomes a completely acceptable way to leave the house
  • getting into bed or rolling over in bed takes about 5 minutes and leaves you completely out of breath
  •  you give up your heels for the ugly, comfy shoes from the back of your closet, and you're totally fine with that
  • you have to do an acrobatic act to get your socks on. You may or may not have fallen on your @ss trying to get them on, once
  • you're convinced your coat has shrunk
  • you get instant reflux by bending over
  • when others pass on seconds, you grab theirs
  • you keep Gaviscon by your bedside, on your desk, in your purse and in the car
  • you burp and fart like a man. No apologies.
  • you find yourself using the words "cervix", "prenatal", and "Kegel" much more than you ever thought you would
  • you forget about your big belly and actually bump into things way more than you should
  • you find yourself watching other women, well rested, in their skinny clothes drinking their alcoholic drinks and laughing, and shooting them death stares
  • you steal an inordinate amount of time away from work to browse sites like BabyCenter, TheBump, and Babies R Us
  • you forget everything (the "Mum-dumbs")
  • your lower back aches getting out of bed so you shuffle to the bathroom like an old person
  • your belly is bigger than your boobs
  • you have an extra guest in your bed, the body pillow, leaving your loved one about 2 inches of the entire mattress
  • it takes you more than one try to get up from sitting or laying down
  • eating food in bed and resting the bowl on your belly becomes the best part of your day
  • you swear up and down that your bladder is so full and you're about to pee your pants, but when you actually go next to nothing comes out
  • you sweat while doing NOTHING
  • you're stuck wearing any clothes that you have that still (sort of) fit and end up looking like a homeless person half the time
  • you start eying your hubby's clothes as potentially wearable
  • the prospect of sneezing or coughing kind of scares you, because a little pee may just come out
  • sleeping through the night is a luxury
  • nausea, vomiting and heartburn run how, when and if you eat
  • your family is living on vegetarian meals cause you can't stand the look, smell or texture of meat
  • stepping on the scale at the OB/midwife's office causes you a bit of anxiety every time
  • you seriously rethink any task that requires bending over, just because the belly gets in the way
  • you eat more than your hubby does
  • you truly believe that you will sleep better after baby comes because you wont be so uncomfortable and in pain
  • getting out of bed takes so much energy you have to prep yourself in advance and take a few deep breaths
  • you "hold it" because the walk down a flight of stairs seems worse than the need to relieve yourself
  • you keep catching people looking at you sideways, with a scared look on their face, worried they may Anger the Beast
  • you wonder what that smell is... and then realize, it's you

Previous: Week 26 - Doctor's Appointment and Baby To-Do List
Next: Week 28 - Baby Shower!

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