Diary of a Real Pregnancy: Week 27 - You Know You're Pregnant WHEN...

I'm a member of a couple of different online mommy forums (hi ladies!), and recently on one we had a discussion about all the things that really only happen when you are pregnant. Too funny not to share. Enjoy!

You know you're pregnant when...

• you eventually just work hurling into your daily routine
• your belly greets people before the rest of you
• you go to bed 10mins before husband to ensure that your entire 'routine' is done before he gets there: peeing, PJs, peeing, vitamins, lotion, peeing, fluffing pillow, possibly pee again, suddenly thirsty and get a drink of water, pee again, and crawl into bed, get your body pillow in place and finally lie there trying to catch your breath
• you need other people to put your socks, shoes etc on you
• putting your unwashed hair in a ponytail and not wearing any makeup becomes a completely acceptable way to leave the house
• getting into bed or rolling over in bed takes about 5 minutes and leaves you completely out of breath
•  you give up your heels for the ugly, comfy shoes from the back of your closet, and you're totally fine with that
• you have to do an acrobatic act to get your socks on. You may or may not have fallen on your @ss trying to get them on, once
• you're convinced your coat has shrunk
• you get instant reflux by bending over
• when others pass on seconds, you grab theirs
• you keep Gaviscon by your bedside, on your desk, in your purse and in the car
• you burp and fart like a man. No apologies.
• you find yourself using the words "cervix", "prenatal", and "Kegel" much more than you ever thought you would
• you forget about your big belly and actually bump into things way more than you should
• you find yourself watching other women, well rested, in their skinny clothes drinking their alcoholic drinks and laughing, and shooting them death stares
• you steal an inordinate amount of time away from work to browse sites like BabyCenter, TheBump, and Babies R Us
• you forget everything (the "Mum-dumbs")
• your lower back aches getting out of bed so you shuffle to the bathroom like an old person
• your belly is bigger than your boobs
• you have an extra guest in your bed, the body pillow, leaving your loved one about 2 inches of the entire mattress
• it takes you more than one try to get up from sitting or laying down
• eating food in bed and resting the bowl on your belly becomes the best part of your day
• you swear up and down that your bladder is so full and you're about to pee your pants, but when you actually go next to nothing comes out
• you sweat while doing NOTHING
• you're stuck wearing any clothes that you have that still (sort of) fit and end up looking like a homeless person half the time
• you start eying your hubby's clothes as potentially wearable
• the prospect of sneezing or coughing kind of scares you, because a little pee may just come out
• sleeping through the night is a luxury
• nausea, vomiting and heartburn run how, when and if you eat
• your family is living on vegetarian meals cause you can't stand the look, smell or texture of meat
• stepping on the scale at the OB/midwife's office causes you a bit of anxiety every time
• you seriously rethink any task that requires bending over, just because the belly gets in the way
• you eat more than your hubby does
• you truly believe that you will sleep better after baby comes because you wont be so uncomfortable and in pain
• getting out of bed takes so much energy you have to prep yourself in advance and take a few deep breaths
• you "hold it" because the walk down a flight of stairs seems worse than the need to relieve yourself
• you keep catching people looking at you sideways, with a scared look on their face, worried they may Anger the Beast
• you wonder what that smell is... and then realize, it's you

Previous: Week 26 - Doctor's Appointment and Baby To-Do List
Next: Week 28 - Baby Shower!