Monday, July 08, 2013

Waving the White Flag

(please send chocolate!)
I am literally hiding from my children as I write this. No joke - I'm in the laundry room, trying not to make a sound, hoping they don't think to look for me here (which is ironic, given how much time I spend in here on a regular basis). I retreated when they stormed the castle, shouting "Take no prisoners!!...". At least that's how I remember it going down.

I can't say I ever imagined life as a mom being quite like this. I thought, it can't be that hard... I mean come on - my own mother did just fine and she had a whole extra kid! I can really only remember a handful of times when she'd completely lose her schmidt and we'd think, 'Uh oh, here we go...' Clearly I had no way to know just how difficult it can be to keep one's cool when kids can just be total shitheads sometimes. 

So, why I thought keeping the kids home for a couple of weeks this summer would be a good idea is beyond me. Well that's not true - in fact I don't think I ever considered it a "good idea" at all. Just that I'd be home with the baby on maternity leave, and I felt some kind of duty to have the other two with me. Isn't that what moms are supposed to do in the summer? I imagined taking them to the beach, playground, on picnics... Doing fun crafts, flying kites, catching bugs, sidewalk chalk on the drive way, bikes, watermelon...

Of course, that was before I wound up with a 6-year-old with a cast on his arm, an up-and-at-em 3.5-year-old (who still kind-of needs her daily nap in the afternoon), and weather alternating between sweltering heat and pouring rain. To say things aren't going according to plan would be an understatement. I'm not mom-of-the-year, or even the summer... I am yelly/snappy/aggravated mom and it ain't pretty. I don't want to yell, but for some reason any voice I use other than LOUD doesn't seem to make it to their brains. Odd, since The Hubs and I can be in another room speaking quietly and they will hear every word!

But I digress. Since I can't take the kids to the beach, or anywhere near water, and now it's raining (again), it seems we're a bit stuck getting on each others nerves because who wants to just sit at home all day? Which is why I found myself hiding in the laundry room... And when they went postal and started throwing stuff and screaming, that's when I waved the white flag and announced that it's Quiet Time and everyone was sent to their rooms, including the baby. Not without some negotiation, mind you (it turns out we do, in fact, negotiate with terrorists - at least in this house) - I got 25 minutes of Quiet Time in exchange for three shows later. I'm not sure who won that exchange, I just know its quiet in my house for the first time all day and I got to use the bathroom ALONE. Small victories.

Have I mentioned it's only the first day of "vacation"?.... Please send wine and chocolate. And this is why kids go to summer camp!!