Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Diary of a Real Pregnancy - Week 4: Finding Out

The following is a real-life account of what it's like to be pregnant, week-by-week. None of this "It's a miraculous time" / "You are glowing" crap. No -- this is the real deal. Come on the crazy ride with me...

Week 4: Finding Out

As anyone who's ever been pregnant knows, when you find out you're pregnant, you're usually already 4 weeks along. It's like, whammo, positive pregnancy test, and oh yeah you're a month in. What! If anyone ever tells you they're 2 weeks pregnant, they are lying. Haha.

In my case, because we were charting (I won't bore you with the details) and I knew exactly where I was in my cycle, I tested early, at 10 days past ovulation and got the Big Fat Positive -- I wasn't even 4 weeks yet. Let me just tell you: despite having tried for a bunch of cycles already (four to be exact) and waiting to get that second line, seeing it was still a shockadoodle.

I honestly figured it would be like all the other tests I'd done this time around: the days leading up to it, you have all kinds of symptoms that you think MIGHT be "it", then try to ignore them because you don't want to get your hopes up. But they are up, you can't help it, you tell yourself you're not pregnant but way down deep, you think, "Could I be?". You wait and wait... until finally you're far enough along in your cycle to test, break open yet another package, pee, and wait again. Finally you get up the nerve to look, heart pounding, convincing yourself it's going to be negative but willing two lines to appear, thinking maybe this time...

And then... stark white negative. Oh but it might still be positive? Maybe if you tilt it this way. Look at it under brighter lights. Squint and tilt your head? Take the whole test apart because clearly the stupid plastic window is getting in the way of seeing that second line -- gaah! But - there's no second line. Anger, frustration, disappointment. Throw that stupid thing in the trash. Stuff it way down because you're mad at it, and go about your day, waiting for your period to arrive. Stupid b*tch.

I admit, with most of these (okay, all of them), I'd go back later and dig that thing out of the trash hours later, thinking maybe I didn't look at it hard enough? Maybe a second line appeared right after I threw it out? Of course it looked the same as when I stuffed it in there, which just pissed me off even more, and inevitably the evil witch (my period) would arrive moments later, and I'd convince myself that it was horrible timing anyway and I'm totally fine with it. Totally. *sigh*

Until, of course the day of the positive. That's a good day. It's a strange day. Perhaps you've seen a whole year's worth of negative tests already, perhaps this is the very first one you've taken. But when you wait the alloted 5 minutes and then finally take a peek at that test, and see not one, but two lines... it's like, OMG. What?? Shut up. SHUT.UP. Nowayshutuprightnow.

So... here we are. Four weeks along. I don't care how long you've been trying to get pregnant, or if you weren't trying and it just 'happened', you still go through this crazy rollercoaster of OMG, what have we done, holy crap, a newborn, a child, OMG. Perhaps an "Oh shit" or "Yippee!" thrown in there.

Ironically, this time I didn't have to take a test at all. If I had just waited one more day, I would have known -- it's the boobs. They're a dead giveaway, as soon as I get pregnant, wham! Sore boobs. Like, don't hug me, don't touch me, don't even come near me, OW. But of course, I did take a test, because man, seeing two lines on a pregnancy test is just FUN. :)

positive test

Here we go..!

Next: Week 5: Fear and Trepidation in my Uterus