Diary of a Real Pregnancy: Week 27 - You Know You're Pregnant WHEN...

I'm a member of a couple of different online mommy forums (hi ladies!), and recently on one we had a discussion about all the things that really only happen when you are pregnant. Too funny not to share. Enjoy!

You know you're pregnant when...

• you eventually just work hurling into your daily routine
• your belly greets people before the rest of you
• you go to bed 10mins before husband to ensure that your entire 'routine' is done before he gets there: peeing, PJs, peeing, vitamins, lotion, peeing, fluffing pillow, possibly pee again, suddenly thirsty and get a drink of water, pee again, and crawl into bed, get your body pillow in place and finally lie there trying to catch your breath
• you need other people to put your socks, shoes etc on you
• putting your unwashed hair in a ponytail and not wearing any makeup becomes a completely acceptable way to leave the house
• getting into bed or rolling over in bed takes about 5 minutes and leaves you completely out of breath
•  you give up your heels for the ugly, comfy shoes from the back of your closet, and you're totally fine with that
• you have to do an acrobatic act to get your socks on. You may or may not have fallen on your @ss trying to get them on, once
• you're convinced your coat has shrunk
• you get instant reflux by bending over
• when others pass on seconds, you grab theirs
• you keep Gaviscon by your bedside, on your desk, in your purse and in the car
• you burp and fart like a man. No apologies.
• you find yourself using the words "cervix", "prenatal", and "Kegel" much more than you ever thought you would
• you forget about your big belly and actually bump into things way more than you should
• you find yourself watching other women, well rested, in their skinny clothes drinking their alcoholic drinks and laughing, and shooting them death stares
• you steal an inordinate amount of time away from work to browse sites like BabyCenter, TheBump, and Babies R Us
• you forget everything (the "Mum-dumbs")
• your lower back aches getting out of bed so you shuffle to the bathroom like an old person
• your belly is bigger than your boobs
• you have an extra guest in your bed, the body pillow, leaving your loved one about 2 inches of the entire mattress
• it takes you more than one try to get up from sitting or laying down
• eating food in bed and resting the bowl on your belly becomes the best part of your day
• you swear up and down that your bladder is so full and you're about to pee your pants, but when you actually go next to nothing comes out
• you sweat while doing NOTHING
• you're stuck wearing any clothes that you have that still (sort of) fit and end up looking like a homeless person half the time
• you start eying your hubby's clothes as potentially wearable
• the prospect of sneezing or coughing kind of scares you, because a little pee may just come out
• sleeping through the night is a luxury
• nausea, vomiting and heartburn run how, when and if you eat
• your family is living on vegetarian meals cause you can't stand the look, smell or texture of meat
• stepping on the scale at the OB/midwife's office causes you a bit of anxiety every time
• you seriously rethink any task that requires bending over, just because the belly gets in the way
• you eat more than your hubby does
• you truly believe that you will sleep better after baby comes because you wont be so uncomfortable and in pain
• getting out of bed takes so much energy you have to prep yourself in advance and take a few deep breaths
• you "hold it" because the walk down a flight of stairs seems worse than the need to relieve yourself
• you keep catching people looking at you sideways, with a scared look on their face, worried they may Anger the Beast
• you wonder what that smell is... and then realize, it's you

Previous: Week 26 - Doctor's Appointment and Baby To-Do List
Next: Week 28 - Baby Shower!

Diary of a Real Pregnancy - Week 26: Doc Appointment & Baby To-Do List

So as many have gathered from reading about How to Pee in a Cup, I had a doctor's appointment this week. That's pretty much the most exciting thing that happened, other than more annoying heartburn and back pain, both of which I plan to put an end to soon!

I've gained like 24 lbs already. Trying not to worry about the number much. I just hope it's not 60 lb like with The Boy. Egad...

Blood pressure was 110/55... pretty low still. Pee looked good (the few drops I could squeeze out, haha), asked about heartburn, got a Rx for Zantac. Confirmed it will either be my doc or the other doc in the office delivering (it will be). Asked about back pain, and I plan to get a referral for an RMT, found one in my neighbourhood who does prenatal massage, so YAY! She asked if I wanted a note for the RMT and I *stupidly* said I didn't need it yet, I'd get one next time. WHY?? So of course this week was wrought with back pain galore and I was left cursing myself and my lack-of-a-noteness. Moron.

I also got a requisition for the glucose test. Asked the doc if it was really necessary, as I passed without issue both times before... she said no test is mandatory. So, not sure if I will even do it. Would be good to know if I have gestational diabetes, but I have no reason to think I do... so... meh.

That's about it! Oh and I mentioned some 'yucky' camps I'd had the previous weekend and she didn't seem alarmed but said if they happen again, to go to the hospital. They can't do the fibronectin (sp) test in her office, and don't like to manually check the cervix as it can mess up the test. Honestly, I was halfway hoping she'd check me, I'd be 1 cm dilated and she'd order me off work, lol. No go. Oh well :)

On my Baby To Do list currently:

• Order baby book. We have the same one for both of our other kiddos, and of course I can't buy this particular style anywhere here (of course!), so need to order online.
• Register at the hospital. We're already signed up for labour & delivery classes in December so may just register then...
• Make an appointment for a prenatal massage.
• Make a contingency plan for when we head to the hospital... As my parents have callously decided to jet off to Africa and aren't planning to return until 2 days before our due date. How could they! ;)
• Start some prenatal yoga. No, really. I have to do this. I'm achy and creaky and starting to walk funny.
• Start stocking up on little diapers. Have to keep my eye out for sales!
• Paint & set up The Girl's room and get her moved in there so we can start setting up the nursery (her current room).

OH... and this is my last week of the second trimester (depending on how you count - some say third trimester starts week 27). And I am totally not freaking out about that. At ALL.

Previous: Week 25 - Heartburn, hobbling, and denial

Diary of a Real Pregnancy - Week 25: Heartburn, hobbling, and denial

Alright peeps... I am back! I crawled out of the sick hole like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Waaa-laaaa! Holy heck I hope I don't get sick like that again....

Again with the Gaviscon love!

Heartburn

Now at 25 weeks, and a full 6 months pregnant (whut!), I am left dealing with the awful, awful burning of the heart. Heartburn may not be the worst pregnancy symptom (not by a long shot), but it's so, so annoying. It's just always there. Not bad enough to require actual medication -- and I know some preggos do have to go that route -- but just... always.... THERE. Lurking. Brewing. Burning.

Before this point in pregnancy I could count on a few things that would lead to heartburn (chocolate, garlic, coffee...), but now it doesn't matter what I eat or drink or do, it's there. Annoying. Thank goodness Gaviscon still seems to be working, for now at least. Though when the heartburn went up into my ears this morning, I did have to push aside my half-full coffee. I repeat: I could not finish my coffee. Fair warning: it's about to get bitchy up in this place. (More-so than usual, I mean.) I feel twitchy.


Hobbling

Hey guess what? A huge belly throws off your center of gravity. Heck even a medium-sized belly (*cough*denial*cough*) throws things off. Your back curves in ways that it just shouldn't in order to compensate for the shift. You can't lift things in quite the same way, you move funny. And doing things the way you normally would have before pregnancy means you're in for some pain. I know these things. Everyone knows these things. And yet, either in denial *cough* about my size or just ignoring it because let's face it, crap just needs to get done, I find myself in pain, hobbling around with a sore back once again.

Sigh. I think I really am starting to look like a pregnant lady. No no, not those beautiful glowy upright with-child goddesses. Haaaa hahaha, no. I mean the ones waddling or holding their back and wincing. Yep. That's me.

Which brings me to my next point.


Denial

I guess it's not so much denial but... okay it's denial. I sort of forget that other people can tell I'm pregnant. I work under the general assumption that strangers don't know / can't tell, until they make a comment indicating that they CAN, and then I'm like, Wha-aa? It's not like I'm trying to hide it, just that I try not to look in the mirror much. Or when I do, I think I'm seeing something others can't. What's that called? Body polymorphism? Just plain forgetfulness? Denial?

Case in point: we were at the pool for swimming lessons, I'm sitting by the side. (Thank-you swimming lesson gods for lessons where parents do NOT have to put on a torture bathing suit and parade their lumpy bodies around a damn pool at yuck-o'clock on a Sunday morning! But I digress.) Another parent strikes up a conversation, as they do:
Other Parent: "blah blah my kids blah"
Me: "blah blah kid one, kid two, blah blah"
OP: "Oh so you are having your third?"
Me: HOW DOES HE KNOW? Oh right. Belly. "Yup."

I took a belly picture this week just so I could see for myself what others see.

Bazinga.

Previous: Week 24 - Sick...
Next: Week 26: Doctor's Appointment and Baby To-Do List

Diary of a Real Pregnancy - Week 24: SICK

I took this week off from posting, as I found myself quite ill right around when I'd normally write (Sunday or Monday night). Some kind of stomach bug or possibly eating something bad meant not being able to keep any food down for about 24 hours. FUN!!

Thank GOODNESS I have an amazing and awesome Hubby, who took over everything with the house and kids, and just let me sleep and puke. (sorry... TMI..) Thanks Hubs. Smooches.

There's something really strange and UGH about sharing your abdomen when you feel so ill. At least baby didn't seem the least bit phased by it, as evidenced by lots of kicking and squirming (much to my chagrin).


I honestly do NOT know how women handle morning sickness throughout their pregnancies or hyperemesis, the 'extreme' version of morning sickness. I wanted to crawl into a hole and die, and that was only after a few hours!! To those who have dealt (or are still dealing) with severe illness throughout your pregnancy: I salute you.

Rock on, sickos.

 
Previous: Week 23 - Back pain, but Eating Well Again!
Next: Week 25 - Heartburn, hobbling, and denial



 

Diary of a Real Pregnancy - Week 23: Back pain, but Eating Well Again!

Week 23 - Back pain, but Eating Well Again!


So I finally implemented the healthy eating plan and I can tell you it's going very well so far. Shocked?? Me too!

I still snack on things I shouldn't (who doesn't have a weakness for chips and chocolate??) but having a drawer / fridge full of healthy snacks at work means I get a lot more of the good stuff and a lot less  of the bad. My mid-afternoon treat is a cup of Greek yogurt, instead of a chocolate bar. And, lo and behold, I am actually feeling better too! DUH moment of the week -- eat well = feel well. Genius.

My appetite hasn't decreased ANY yet, in fact I think the baby must be gowing through a growth spurt lately because I can eat and eat and eat and just not. get. full. I really have to take a belly pic one of these days since I've totally popped out (especially after I eat, haha).

I like the way this guy thinks.

This past weekend was Thanksgiving in Canada... such a lovely time of year. Mostly because of the food! As an example of my insatiable appetite (which is SO strange for me... I usually eat a little bit and I'm full), I had a FULL plate of Thanksgiving dinner *drool* and a big piece of pumpkin cheesecake *drool* and when everyone else at the table was bemoaning the amount of food they just consumed, I skipped out to the kitchen and came back with a plate of cookies. Hee!

Being over-5-months-pregnant and over-the-hill means I can't do what I used to be able to, though. Reality sets in when an afternoon of cooking and then planting bulbs in the garden the next day = exhaustion, stiffness and screaming back pain. Woe is me! At this point I can find relief with a magic bag and a Tylenol, but you bet your bottom dollar I'll be booking a pregnancy massage soon. Really just an excuse to be pampered for an hour, but I remember the sweet, sweet relief that it brought last time, and I'm all ready for that kind of attention :)

In the meantime we're trying to come up with some inventive Halloween costumes for the Hubs and I this year. We have a few ideas but would love more. Anything really unique out there for a preggo and her hubby? Share your ideas and if we pick one of them, I'll post pics and give you full credit!
 
Previous: Week 22 - Crackerjacking, and Other Pregnancy Woes
Next: Week 24 - SICK

Diary of a Real Pregnancy: Week 22 - Crackerjacking and Other Pregnancy Woes

What happens when willpower decreases to 'less than none' and appetite increases to 'lumberjack on crack'? (Heh... Lumbercrack? Crackerjack?...) [Sidebar: Do crackheads have a big appetite? Anyone know? Let's assume they do.]

You get what I like to call Pregnancy-Induced Out of Control Snacking, aka Crackerjacking. I'm there... I'm SO there.

The issue really is my snack drawer at work. Yes... I have a whole drawer. Yes... I'm the one who fills it with tasty delights. I told you - I have NO will power! I go into the store with a list like this... looks pretty good right? (if you ignore the glaring grammatical error... ahem):

And come out of the store with these instead:
- chocolate & caramel pudding cups
- 8-pack of mini Oh Henry bars
- bag of mini doughnuts (do they count as 'mini' if you eat 4 at a time?)
- yogurt-covered raisins
- bag of Hickory Sticks

Um. Yes. Yummy. And sadly none of these delights lasts very long in the Drawer O' Plenty.

SO... that's why this week I've vowed to change my eating habits. I'm starting over in the snack department. I'm determined to feel better, try to clear up my skin (damn you pregnacne*!), and provide this baby with some actual nutrients and stuff. Not that chocolate isn't good. It is. (please don't be mad at me chocolate, I didn't mean it!) But it's not cutting it -- so, if anyone has any great ideas for healthy snacks that I can have at work with minimal prep, please share!

Onward and upward...

Other happenings this week:
- I had a doctor's appointment. I am up nearly 20 lbs now... WOW. I know... you're supposed to gain weight when you're pregnant, but... wow. Yes, snack revision needed! Other than that she said things look great - baby's heart rate was 140 bpm, my blood pressure was 105/55, and fundal height measured 22 so right on track.
- Back pain. Oh, dudeness. I had forgotten about this, somehow, but was slapped in the face with it on Sunday after an afternoon of cooking (two lasagnas and a big pot of pasta sauce - yes! Back pain - doh!). I hobbled around the rest of the evening cursing my short-lived burst of energy and cuddled up with my new BFF, Mr. Hot Water Bottle.
- Have I mentioned pregnacne? Awful. Just awful. That is all.
- Heartburn. Hello, my other BFF Mr. Gaviscon!
- Suddenly and without warning (heh), my coat has shrunk. Sure, this happened the last two pregnancies, but it's a surprise every time -- I go to do up my coat and, What the hell? Why won't it reach? It's caught in the back?... *yank*... No? Oh.... Yes. Shrinking coats - just another side-effect of pregnancy.

*pregnancy acne, obviously.
 
Previous: Week 21 - Anger Management
Next: Week 23 - Back pain, But Eating Well Again

 

Diary of a Real Pregnancy: Week 21 - Anger Management

Do not get a pregnant lady angry. Sage advice... except that it's very hard to do, because she will be angry no matter what.

I've suddenly lost all ability to handle stress of any kind. Change of plans, stepping on LEGOs, any minor issue will throw me into an angry temper tantrum of yelling, stomping, pulling my hair out. And it's instant: if you don't put the pedal to the metal the second the light turns green it will take everything I have not to lean on the horn. Rest assured I am yelling at you in reference to your intelligence level and physical appearance (even though I can't see you). I am just so... darn... ANGRY.

I think I need one of these for my car (/office / bedroom / shirt), so people will understand, and just get out of my WAY!

Heh - as if I own a rolling pin.

Besides that, this week has me realizing we will have a newborn in the house in just over 4 months, and I'm reeling about that a little. We have a long, long list of things to do, and as I find myself in the 'easiest trimester' I figured now would be a great time to get started. Yeah!

What they don't tell you is when you have a bunch of mouths to feed (and listen to), and a bunch of toilets to clean, and you're old and out of shape, the 'second wind' of the second trimester is a total fallacy. All I really want to do is have a nap! Just as soon as I'm done yelling about how stupid everyone is!

Anyway, good news for all the other drivers on the road -- I do have a plan to manage the stress and anger a little better than I have been. I've dug out my Hypnobirthing book and CD (The Mongan Method) and I will be doing the relaxation exercises. I expect to be all zen in just a few days :) I'll write more about Hypnobirthing in a couple of weeks but I can tell you, it changed my entire outlook last time and even allowed me to have a drug-free, intervention-free birth. Amazing. Bring on the zen!


Previous: Week 20 -Rootin Tootin Cowgirl (and the big reveal!)
Next: Week 22 - Crackerjacking and Other Pregnancy Woes

Diary of a Real Pregnancy: Week 20 - Rootin Tootin Cowgirl (and the big reveal!)

Yeeee-HAW!

It's quite the ride out here in the wild west, pardner! Yippee-kai-yay!

Have I lost you yet? I've lost a few things (mostly marbles and my cool) lately, so that seems fitting. So what's all the rootin and tootin about?

Well let me tell you. It's about the cacophony of bodily instruments up in this place. I am a sound machine like no other... and the sound is the TOOT. I cannot.stop.tooting. Passing gas. Farting.

Alright, I know. That's horrible and also laughable. But let me tell you what's NOT laughable. When you walk around the office and it sounds like you are walking on ducks.

Walking on ducks.

Thankfully, by the grace of maude, these vociferous exclamations have been loud but otherwise innocuous. Still, totally embarrassing. I have no control either. No warning. Just 'toot toot toot!' as I walk-walk-walk. I can only hope nobody has noticed. A girl can hope!

Now on to much more important details...

The Big Reveal

We had our big ultrasound this week, aka the anatomy scan. Again, because I'm old as dirt, I got to go 'upstairs' to the Floor for Special Pregnant Ladies to have the scan done. The bonus of this is of course better technology, but also a doctor doing the scan, so he's at liberty to talk about everything he's seeing on the screen... including what's between the legs*! Yippee!
*On the screen! Not HIS. Gross!

Before I get into that I will say that everything looks great, baby is measuring right on track for dates - measuring 19w 6d when I was 20w 1d. The doc spent extra time on the palate to make sure there was no cleft (it runs in the family) and saw nothing of concern. I was also told I have the blood work of a 'fifteen-year-old'... so that's good! I think!

The Boy was able to be there with us, due to an unfortunate incident the night before requiring 5 stitches in his lip and skipping school the day of the ultrasound (he's fine now). I thought it would be so neat for him to see all this stuff with us... He thought it was much neater to play Battleship on the iPod. 5-year-olds...

When I saw that the doc was hovering around what I assumed was the crotchal area, I made sure to mention that we'd like to find out the sex if we could. He said "Sure thing! I will let you know as soon as I know! This is the stomach..." Right, I knew that.

At one point The Hubs and the Boy went to the washroom, and thats when the doc said "So, do you want to know what you're having?" And I said "Yes!! Do you know??" And he said yes. I suggested we wait until the men returned. The doc had another idea... his plan (which he shared with great enthusiasm, as if he'd planned the whole thing out on his way to work that morning), was for me to make a big list of things I wanted done around the house. Then, he'd tell ME the sex, and I could withhold the information from The Hubs until everything was done! Haha! Wouldn't that be GREAT!

I was like, "Honey, I hear ya. But I've had a list like that going for YEARS." I didn't say that The Hubs would probably just tickle me until I peed my pants and then I'd have to tell him.

Anyway he told me. Hee hee! Then the boys got back, and the doc went on with the ultrasound with nary a word about gender the rest of the time. Finally, he finished, said everything looked great, and no need to come back as he got all his measurements. Have a nice day!

The Hubs on the other hand was giving me A Look that said "WTF!", but didn't say anything. I nonchalantly said, "Oh... I know what we're having, by the way." He said "You do?? WHAT!" Ha. I asked one last time, what everyone thought. The Boy said a brother. The Hubs said a brother. I said...

Nope! You're wrong!

We're having another baby girl!!

We are thrilled! A baby sister for The Girl. The Boy was like "Oh that's nice" haha, and The Girl's reaction was basically to tell us she knew this all along so what's the big deal?

Now we're on the hunt for names, as I don't think Plate or Table are quite fitting for our little princess :)


Previous: Week 19 - Almost Half-way! What!
Next: Week 21 - Anger Management

Diary of a Real Pregnancy: Week 19 - Almost Half-way! What!

Almost Half-way! What? HOW?

Okay, 19 weeks. It's cool. It's all good. 19 weeks pregnant is really no big deal.

Except, it IS. It's almost half-way. It might even BE halfway if baby decides to come before 40 weeks. Nearly half the pregnancy is over. HALF.

It's all good. I'm totally, totally prepared for three kids so being half-way through what will most likely be our last pregnancy is totally fine by me. Totally.

'Scuse me while I go freak out... Talk amongst yourselves.

Alrighty then.

As for how things are going physically... 19 weeks is actually kindof fun. Lots of kicks from baby, little pokes and bumps all the time which is great. I've also popped out more so people who haven't seen me for a week are all, "WOAH!" while staring at my belly. Heh. I laugh now, because I don't feel like a cow (yet). In fact I feel fine, I don't even think I'm showing at all because it doesn't seem to me like there's anything there, but clearly other people do so that's fun.

Only negative thing happening (other than the continuation of noxious gas, but meh, what can you do) is the inability to handle any kind of stress without Losing My Schmidt. I have absolutely no tolerance for... well, anything these days. I go from "Hey how are ya?" to "WHAT THE ACTUAL FLUCK IS YOUR PROBLEM??" in about half a second. No joke. I just have no time for idiots, or even regular people. Either do things the way I want them done, without me explaining anything to you, or risk pissing me off. I can't help it. Honestly, if I could, I would -- I don't LIKE being mad all the time. I just am. So shut up, damnit. GAWD.

Finally, the countdown is on for our Big Ultrasound. Only 3 more sleeps til we find out if this little one is Team Blue or Team Pink (and also check for all the toes and what not, of course)! Yippee!


Previous: Week 18 - Not Much Happening
Next: Week 20 - Rootin Tootin Cowgirl (And the big reveal!)

Diary of a Real Pregnancy: Week 18 - Not much happening

So this week came and went and I totally forgot to write anything until now. Typical... third child. So easily forgotten. Technically I am still 18 weeks pregnant for another hour and a half, so it counts. :)

Two things did happen this week though: people started noticing my belly, and I had a doctor's appointment. Wowee! Honestly besides that there's really nothing going on.

Getting comments from people who know I'm pregnant is both exciting and a little off-putting. It's nice that it's not all in my head that I'm expanding a little, but at the same time it means others can SEE me getting bigger, they've noticed. She has a BELLY. It's only off-putting in the sense that I tend to forget there's anything there, so when someone says "Oh look at your belly!" my first thought is, What?? Did I spill something? No, I'm just bigger. Right, there's a baby in there, and it's not just my little secret.

The doc appointment went well... EVerything checked out fine and dandy. I had The Boy with me so he got to hear the baby's heart and helped hold the doppler so that was all very exciting. Doc said the heartbeat was 140. Girl? Boy? Your guess is as good as mine. I've gained more weight... up 12 lbs now. Aie aie aie. I can't remember how much I'd gained by this point in my previous pregnancies. I feel small(er) than I was last time, but I don't know if it's me being forgetful about being pregnant or if I actually am smaller. Or if I know how big I will eventually get so it's like, this is nothing. Either was 12 lbs seems okay, "they" say to average 1 lb/week so we'll see how that pans out...

Hard to believe we are nearly halfway there... Less than two weeks until our BIG ultrasound!! Eeeee!!

Previous: Week 17 - Active Baby, and You Are What You Eat
Next: Week 19 - Almost Half-way. What!

Diary of a Real Pregnancy: Week 17 - Active Baby, and You Are What You Eat

Note I said "Active baby", not "Active, baby". At this point I'm sure a lot of pregnant mamas are doing yoga, swimming, maybe even continuing their aerobics or spinning classes. Not this mama! I think about being more active, a lot, but haven't actually implemented a plan...

No, the active one in this relationship is the baby. Holy heck this child likes to jump and kick! And since s/he is so little there's plenty of room to bounce and roll and catch me by surprise as a reminder that there IS a little person in there. (Yes, I do forget sometimes!)

Also early but very much there now are the Braxton Hicks contractions. Now, when I mentioned these on the blog in one of my previous pregnancies, The Hubs upon reading the blog entry, came tearing upstairs to see if I was okay and what the hell are Braxton... whatever contractions?? They are no big deal, though I will say they've started way early this time -- I don't think they started until closer to 30+ weeks last time. Apparently being a third pregnancy will do that - everything gets going sooner. Right now they aren't too bad since my uterus (gaah I hate that word) is still so small, that it just turns into this hard little ball at the bottom of my abdomen. Weird, but tolerable :)

I also learned a valuable lesson this week about eating right... Now, everyone knows you're supposed to be a pillar of healthy eating while you're pregnant. You have a little one in there to think about, after all. But... well old habits die hard around here, and for me, pregnancy = loss of all willpower when it comes to eating. People say "Take advantage of it, you have the perfect excuse to eat like crap!" Yes well, that's all fine until you can't even function because you feel like such crap yourself.

It all came to a head at the end of this week... I had the day off work and just didn't get off to a good start. I finished a large travel mug of coffee and a bowl of Fruit Loops for breakfast, didn't eat again until noon, and by then I was a crazed lunatic frothing at the mouth (just ask The Hubs, who watched this transformation take place in a furniture store... not pretty). I ended up buying, and eating, a quarter of a pizza in about 26 seconds, and downing a can of gingerale. Ahhhh! Much better. I later spent some time outside in the sun and heat, and I just craved freezies... I ended up having 3 or 4 freezies and then found myself standing at the fridge gullping juice from the container... Can you see where all this is going?

By 4:00 pm I felt so gross that I just wanted to pass out. The Hubs took one look at me and calmly but convincingly told me to get myself to bed. I said I was only going to sleep 20 minutes ("I have an internal clock") because I had stuff to do. He'd get the kids from daycare.

5:30 pm he wakes me up and suggests he can take the kids out for supper ("yes please!"). I tried to get up but couldn't move until 6:00. I felt AWFUL.

Now I don't know if baby was doing some crazy growing and it just wiped me out, or if it was the bad nutrition, but I'm not taking that chance again. It may be the perfect excuse to eat like crap but that doesn't mean you SHOULD, unless you want to feel like crap yourself. Lesson learned... eating right (and drinking water! craving freezies all afternoon should have been a clue to get some H20 in me!) actually IS important. Duhhhh...

Previous: Week 16 - I Feel (Not) Pretty...
Next: Week 18 - Not Much 

Diary of a Real Pregnancy: Week 16 - I Feel (Not) Pretty

Nothing makes you feel more beautiful than pregnancy. Really. I don't think you're ready for this pregnant jelly!

Let's review:

• There's the gas. Nearly everything makes me gassy, but not consistently so I can actually avoid those things. No, it can strike at any time for any reason. And I'm offending even myself with the noxiousness... it's just not good.
• The wiggles and jiggles. Things are loosey goosey and all over the place. Blubbery. Dimpley.
• The dark circles and bags under my eyes. Granted this may be because I don't seem to be able to get to bed before midnight lately, or get woken up by every little thing. But still - it's not pretty. I've heard the phrase "Wow, you look tired." more often than I care to admit. Dont' tell a pregnant woman she looks tired. A) She knows she looks like sh*t, at least pretend she looks okay, and B) She IS tired, dammit.
• Wrinkles and facial hair and just...wow. I made the mistake of looking in one of those magnifying mirrors the other day... OMG. I went from 35 to 65 in two seconds flat. SCARY!!
• Skin breakouts galore. On top of the wrinkles and hair, all these pimples make me look like a pubescent old man. It doesn't make sense, does it? No... it doesn't.
• Mucous. I won't even elaborate on this one. If you've been pregnant you'll know what I mean. If you've never been pregnant, no need to make anyone hurk. Just... yeah.

On the plus side, my hair has been doing great things (like not falling out!)... And my nails are growing like crazy. I still have the bigger boobs which is a really nice bonus, now that they aren't bags of pain and misery. They're fun and bouncy!

The other thing I actually am enjoying at this point is feeling all the little pokes and jabs from baby. It's cute now, while it's just a little 'bump' every now and then, to say "Hi, mom!". At 8.5 months, with feet or a head up in my ribs I know it won't be quite as cute... but it's certainly something to relish now. Like a little secret I'm sharing with the baby ("Hi babe!").

We also tried out the doppler one more time this week. I decided to give it a chance to redeem itself after not working and just irritating me the first few times I tried it. Well when we flicked it on, it immediately said "low battery". Wha...? Is it possible it didn't work before because of the stinkin batteries?? Once we changed them and I plunked the thing on my abdomen, we immediately heard the little 'bah-dum bah-dum bah-dum' from baby. Love, love, love that sound. Doppler = redeemed.

Funny though, The Hubs got all freaked out at first because it took a second to register the real rate and "224" flashed on the screen... I swear he was ready to jump in the car and drive me to the ER right then and there. Thankfully the real rate appeared (150 bpm, in case anyone's keeping track), and The Hubs' eyeballs went back into his head where they belong.

Previous: Week 15: I'm Old, and The Talk
Next: Week 17: Active Baby, and You Are What You Eat

Diary of a Real Pregnancy: Week 15 - I'm Old, and The Talk

Have I told you all that I'm of Advanced Maternal Age? In other words, in the OB world... old? Up until this point I've laughed at this notion... sure it took us a little longer to get pregnant this time, and we're doing some extra tests and scans, but besides that, 35 isn't actually OLD anymore, right?

Wrong. I am feeling every year of my 35 years. Or maybe it's just that I was hopelessly out of shape when I got pregnant. Whatever it is, I'm feeling it. A co-worker had the gall to come into the building at the same time as me the other morning, and of course since he took the stairs, I had to, too. Damn him. By the time I completed the third flight, I thought my lungs were going to implode, and my legs were on fire. Yep, 15 weeks and I'm feeling it. I was literally wheezing like a geriatric patient. This does not bode well for the rest of this pregnancy!

I feel like I should be doing something (other than eating... I've got that covered) in order to get in better shape. But when? How? What? Swimming? Haha. Maybe. But who has time? Yoga? Again. No time. I know I'd feel better if I did something, so it's something I'll need to think about. I didn't have to do anything the first two times. Damn being old.

Besides all that, this week was the week that my dear, sweet 5-year-old asked me The Question. Not THAT question (how'd it get in there?), the other one. Here's how it went.

I was on my computer (on thebump.com) and The Boy came over, asked what I was doing. I showed him the picture of what the baby looks like now and it's the size of an orange. He was fascinated, and wanted to see each week! All was fine until he asked to see week 40, and I pointed out that the baby was upside-down getting ready to come out.

Open mouth... insert foot.

He laughed and said, "Haha, the baby's FEET are going to come out of your mouth!". I laugh. Silly baby coming out upside-down. Hoping that was the end of it. (I am *terrible* at this, can you tell?)

He thinks about it a minute. Cogs turn. I think, 'Oh god.' And then... "But, HOW does the baby come out? At the hospital."

I feel myself clam up. This is NOT a big deal. WHY am I so stressed about this. I say "You know honey, it just... pops out." Yep. Totally accurate.

He says, "No but, how does it?" What I wanted to say? "Magic!"

Poof! Baby!

Okay. Fine. Fine. I'll just tell him. "Well honey the baby comes out of--" ohgod I have to say it "my... vagina." I might die, right now.

"Your... pachina? What's your pachina?" Seriously? So I say, "Honey it's like where girls pee, and stuff. You know - boys have a penis, girls have a vagina. Down there." Point in the general direction. He pulls a face and says "The baby's going to come out of your BUM???"

This is hilarious and horrific at the same time.

He looks to where I pointed. "Can I see your pachina?" I'm like, "NO you can't see my VAgina." He asks why. I say it's private. He says "But, you know me. So, it's okay. You can show me." LOL. Okay, our talk about keeping private things private except with your parents and people you trust sank in. But, omg. So I laugh and say "No, you are not seeing my vagina." Now please stop talking about my pachina!

Thank GOD he remembered why he came over to talk to me in the first place, and we went about our day without any more 'incidents'.

I swear I'll die the day either of my kids asks how it got in there. 

Previous: Week 14: Mush Brain and Baby Names
Next: Week 16: I Feel (Not) Pretty

Diary of a Real Pregnancy: Week 14 - Mush Brain and Baby Names

... huh?...

This week was a follow-up prenatal visit with my doctor, which nearly didn't happen because of the whole Mommy Brain + Pregnancy Brain = Mush Brain. Being so focused on the ultrasound and telling the world our news, I completely forgot to make an appointment for this week. Thankfully my doc is awesome and squeezed me in at the last minute.

Of course having the Mush Brain means also forgetting that prenatal appointments involve peeing in a cup. Oh yeah you didn't know that either? I have this silly habit of making sure I use the washroom before I going anywhere these days... Which is why I found myself in the doc's office washroom, hovering over a teeny tiny cup, thinking "Surely I can squeeze out a few drops..." And is it just me or is aiming into those cups like some kind of a weird carnival game... but without the big stuffed bear at the end? Could they not make these things more like a funnel or something? Is it possible to pee in the cup without getting it all over yourself? No, it's really not.

In any event it turns out a few drops is all they need to do their 'tests'. Which is good, since I'm sure I could not repeat that performance or squeeze out another drop. I've gained 3.5 lbs to date, which I really don't understand since I've been eating like a maniac pothead for weeks now.And, the BEST part of the appointment... hearing the baby's heartbeat! The doc was able to find it right away - yay! Clearly I'm an idiot as I'm been trying to find it with my own home Doppler (don't ask) for weeks and nothing. It sounded lovely too :) 155 bpm. Just right.

Now, I know this is going to sound crazy... but I swear this week I started to feel some movement from baby. Being only 14 weeks and the baby is now the size of a lemon, I'm a bit confounded as to how this is even possible... but I swear there have been a handful of little "bump"s this past week. it feels just like if you gave yourself a quick little poke in the belly... but on the inside. Even having been through this a few times before, that feeling never gets old, especially the first few times.

This week the kids also started suggesting names for the wee one. The Girl is partial to "Elmo", and "Baby Sister" (wishful thinking), but has also suggested "Plate" and "Table". The Boy told me last night he likes "Abby" for a girl and "Max" for a boy. Lovely names... but I think "Plate" has a nice ring to it, don't you?

Previous: Week 13: And Now the World Knows
Next: Week 15 - I'm Old, and The Talk

Diary of a Real Pregnancy - Week 13: And Now the World Knows

Not only is this week the start of the SECOND TRIMESTER (whaaat!!), it's quite possibly the week that everyone and their dog finds out that you're expecting. I'm certainly glad we waited this long to tell The Boy and The Girl our big news... they were so excited that they've told, well, everyone. Saves us the trouble of making any kind of formal announcement! Plus it's fun to watch people ask you if the rumour is true, trying not to offend you but really, really wanting to know. And then you get to say YES! We are expecting! Yes, for real! I have proof!

And then you get the comments. Sure, everyone is well meaning... but I'm really surprised how many people act like three kids is either nuts, or had to have been unplanned. The number of times I've been asked "Were you planning this?" A) as if it's anyone's business if we were planning this and B) as if it's so crazy to have three kids. I mean... three kids! It's not like we're announcing we're expecting number 19! *ahem*

But yes, just to clear it up, this was very much planned :) We bought a house with 4 bedrooms upstairs, we've had a minivan for years... yes. Planned, welcomed, possibly still crazy but only because who wants to do the whole newborn thing? I mean... REALLY. Up 4-5 times a night with a screaming baby... liquid poo... total inability to do... anything but cry and poo. And sleep (but only a little).

Then they grow up a bit, and then you catch them, as I did our first two kids, playing together and making each other giggle and it all just fits. Hopefully #3 will fit right in with the other two and it won't be the straw that broke mommy's back and made her start drinking at breakfast time. I'm totally, partially, somewhat optimistic that that won't happen. Time will tell.

But... we have lots of time for that. Right now it's just the second trimester. Really I have a hard time believing that we're here already. It's not possible. We JUST got the positive test... right? Lately my symptoms have been still tired (does that ever go away??), nosebleeds, and oh the latest this week - really, really irritable. Like, I have no time for any of this crap so get the hell out of my way type irritable. Baby is only the size of a peach or something, and already running the show.

Overall though this is the week that our news is "out there", which is fun but in a way feels like an invasion of my privacy, because people know something about me that I've been hiding for a while. It's strange, but nice too, because I have a reason for being so crazy and absent-minded lately. But my choices also seem like they're public domain, even if nobody has the balls to say anything - I see you watching me eat that chocolate bar. I see your judgey eyes thinking "You should be eating an apple, honey. Your poor suffering baby!" Don't judge me! Now I don't know if anyone does think badly, but as I'm already on the irritible train everyone looks like they're judging me, all the time. Screw you! I'm eating this chocolate bar! Antioxidants! Ha.


I also realized today (13.5 weeks) that I'm showing a bit, at least in the dress I'm wearing. There's no mistaking that little bump. My body shape is still somewhere between Pregnant and Not Pregnant, in that "Uhh, you've put on a few pounds" stage where it just looks like you've been eating too many Cheetos. Which I have, but that's not the point. Time to take some belly pictures!

Cheeeeeeese

Previous: Week 12: The Proof in the Ultrasound Pudding
Next: Week 14: Mush Brain and Baby Names