Countdown to 10K: Fear the Pit of Despair

As many of you know I signed up to run a 10K this year. Next month, in fact.

Why? Why?? What would possess me to do such a thing? I have never in my life run more than 5K. Ever. I'm not a runner. I don't exercise. The whole thing is so laughable!

But, peer pressure -- and the promise of an EPIC meetup with some amazing ladies who I have known online for over 9 years but have never met -- led me to click "Register", and in that moment of insanity, I sealed my fate. My fate of possibly laying in a ditch in the middle of Epcot, crying.

But! BUT! ... I HAVE been training. Like actually training -- not just shopping. I have gotten on the treadmill a few times a week for the past few months and walk/run/walked a few kms. I have taken the runfies*. I have tracked my pace.

Fun fact: a 10-minute mile is not the same as a 10 minute km. Conversions (read: math) have never been my strong suit, as evidenced when I thought I was running a 7 minute km. Super fast! Then I realized my treadmill and running app weren't speaking the same language, and so I converted it all to km, and it told me my pace was a solid 10:00:00 and I was super happy about that, because balloon ladies.

Oh yes: the balloon ladies. They are these very scary 10 foot tall women (at least in my mind) carrying 10 foot tall balloons (ish), and they run a 16 minute mile way at the back of the pack of runners. If you fall behind them, you get swept. Into a pit of despair and lava. I'm pretty sure that's what I read.

Either way, the point is you need to stay ahead of these menacing creatures or you get thrown in the pit / swept off the course. It's all very scary, but seeing as how I can do a 4K run on the treadmill in 10:00:00 I figured, I'm good to go. No worries mate -- just need to add kms!

But no. Nooooo. Turns out, a 10 minute km is NOT the same as a 10 minute mile. In fact, it's a little over a 16 minute mile.

OMG OMG OMG I'm going to get thrown in the pit.

Let's go back to the distance issue. Again: I have never run a 10K anything. I once hiked 16 km in one day but I was like 16 years old and nearly died**.

**not really. I was super tired though.

So that's where I am. Lucky for me I still have plenty of time to train! A whole... what... 6 weeks?

............ 6 weeks. OMG OMG.

Okay... here's my plan:
- Treadmill 3x week, 2x 35 minutes, 1x adding another km each week until I'm up to 10. (I'm comfortably doing 4K now)
- Move from 3/1 (run 3 mins walk 1), to 10/1s. I can do this now but I think I have ITB syndrome now -- runner's knee -- which is kindof hilarious to me because I'm not a runner. All the lols.
- Hot yoga 2x/week. Because hot and sweaty and why not?
- ITB strengthening exercises on my days off
- Don't die
- Don't get thrown in the pit

Can I get it together in the next 6 weeks??......... Honestly, I don't know. My last runfie will likely be of me prone in a ditch in mid-February. Watch for it!

*Runfies. It's totally a thing!

      

These were obviously all taken before I realized about The Pit. Note the happy look on my face and the naive thumbs ups. 

Anti-Bullying Day is a Crock of Shit

Today, as we do every September, I dressed my kids in pink and sent them to school to stand with their peers and recite a pledge not to be a bully, not to stand by while others get bullied, to care for one another and generally not be little assholes to each other. Aww. Nice right?

It's all good, in theory. And I'm sure the warm fuzzy feelings that float among their pink-clad selves will last at least until the end of the day, everyone on high alert to recognize "bullying" and stop it in it's tracks. Of course bullying is wrong and I whole-heartedly support every effort to put an end to it.

Here's the thing: the bullies don't give a crap about any of this. They are the kids who will continue to be little assholes regardless of how much pink everyone wears. They're not suddenly going to have an attack of conscience and decide "Hey, you know they're right... bullying DOES hurt. My bad". No.

Never mind the fact that we are raising a generation of kids who don't even really know what "bullying" IS. They see kids picking on kids, or being rude or obnoxious, or shoving a kid in the lunch line, or sticking their tongue out at a kid who they don't like, and they run to tell. Guess what -- that's not bullying. If your kid has ever legitimately been bullied, you know that's not it. But our kids think this is bullying. The term bullying has come to mean any time a kids does something unsavory to another kid. "Johnny grabbed Jennie's pencil out of her hand. He's a bully". That's not it, people.

But, I digress. My point is, the whole Anti-Bullying Day and the pledge and all the pink in the world won't make today's asshole kids suddenly NOT asshole kids tomorrow. They are the ones who won't get it. They are the ones who are probably getting bullied themselves. They likely have an asshole dad or older brothers or gym teacher or whoever in their lives who is constantly picking on them, taunting them, belittling them... so guess what? They are the ones who turn around and do it to the kids around them. Of course they do. What else do they know? Why would we expect any different?

The so-called "bullies" aren't the problem... it's the one who made them this way who are the problem. And no amount of chanting and cheering in a school assembly is going to change that.

Do I think kids should step up and say something when they see another kid being bullied? Of course I do! Should they take action and step in when kids need it? YES! Do I think the one day of wearing pink and school assemblies will do a damn thing to curb this behaviour? Absolutely not.

So, I will dress my kids in pink for one day every September, and I will high five them when they tell me about the pledge and how bullying is wrong and we all need to work together to stop it. And I'll tuck them in their beds at night knowing nothing will be different tomorrow, because the assholes who wore pink today will still be assholes tomorrow, in a different coloured shirt, and they're just going to have to figure out how to deal with them.

Simplify: Not That Simple! (But one thing you can start TODAY)

It turns out, simplifying one's life is not that simple.

It's one thing to say, "Get rid of half your stuff"... and would definitely lead to a simpler, easier to maintain lifestyle. Thing is, paring down your stuff takes time. Then you have to do something with it -- donate it all? Yard sale? Sell it online? All these things take time, planning, organization.

There's a huge limit on my time and energy these days... with three kids, meals, chores, activities, and just the basics of keeping a household running (somewhat) smoothly, there is very little time OR energy left over. I guess this whole simplifying thing is a process -- a  long one, with a bunch of steps. It can seem a bit intimidating at the outset (like exercising! which I'm also not doing much of these days!)...

However, there is one thing you (and I) can start doing TODAY that requires no advance planning, no tools or research, and no real adjustments of the schedule. Yet it's something that makes a HUGE difference in your life. Are you ready for it?...

GET. MORE. SLEEP.

Stupid Things That Made Me Laugh This Week

1. I am still giggling about the whole Binder thing and I just wanted share a couple of my favourites...
   
   (If you haven't heard about the Binders Full of Women... go have a read and a giggle and then come back here!)
   
   
   
   
   And my #1 favourite (because I am still giggling about the ERMAHGERD meme... heheheeeee!):
   
2. THIS guy. Hahaha. "My Ahhss!!" *snort*