My Kids' Tooth Fairy Sucks

Stop it, stop it, STOP.IT. Just STOP.

 - Gretchen Rubin

"Please, please just stop growing up. PLEASE. STOP."

This was me pleading with my 14-month-old this morning, after she had lovingly placed a drooly kiss on my cheek, and then slapped me in the face with both hands. As you do.

Despite the slapped cheeks - or possibly because of them? - I found myself looking at her with tears in my eyes and trying to stop time by hugging it out of her: if I hold on tight and squeeze, maybe I can stop the growing up. Please, honey. Seriously - please stop.

That goes for your brother and sister too.

I see them changing before my eyes and I don't like it. Not one bit. They're getting bigger. They're getting those "big kid" eyes - the ones that one minute are laughing because you said "boogie" (I didn't mean THAT! Oh nevermind.), and the next they're looking at you sideways because you said no treats after supper. The big kid eyes that tell you they know stuff. They're starting know some stuff that I don't know. The balance is shifting. I don't like this growing up business AT ALL.

It's the little things:

I no longer need to unfold The Girl's socks for her, or button up her one pair of button-up PJs. I don't know when this started.

I pull jeans out of the dryer and don't immediately know whose they are - mine or theirs?

The way The Boy asks if I can play Mario Kart with him, and when I tell him I can't right now, he shrugs and says, "That's okay." Wait - what? It's okay? Like, that's cool. Whatever mom. I'm cool. *shrug* No whining? No tantrum? When did this start?

The way The Girl brushes her hair away from her face while she's drawing.

The way Baby Girl nodded and said "Yes." when I asked her if she wanted another cracker. Excuse me? Since when do you nod and say "yes" like you're a teenager or something? (I was so distracted, I didn't even do the requisite parental "Yes... please?")

The time The Boy was telling a story and added, laughing, "It was so random."

You don't even notice these things evolving, just one day they are happening and it's all around you - your kids growing up, having the knowing eyes and shrugging and tossing of the hair - and you can't stop time the way you'd like. They just keep doing their thing and getting bigger and it's just... it's not cool, okay?

So, I'll take those slobbery kisses (baby drool does have that faintly sweet smell that you never thought you'd love, but you do...) and even the double chubby-hand face slaps. And I'll just keep trying to hug the growing up out of them. It's worth a shot, right?

"Health Check": feeling duped by food labels

I've been on a bit of a mission for the past six months or so, to cut down on the amount of artificial crap (flavour, colour, etc) that we bring into the house. I had read some articles that indicated there may be a link between artificial stuff and children's behaviour, and that the presence of colouring in particular can mimic ADD- and ADHD-like behaviour in our kids.


Years ago, when it was just us and The Boy, we used to go out of our way to buy organic, whole foods, make our own baby food, keep his diet as healthy and natural as possible. I would frequent a local organic farmer's market each week and choose fruits and veggies that were in-season and local. I'd cart these things home and mash them all up and felt good about what I was feeding him.

Somewhere along the way, I lost sight of the importance of whole, natural food. We had a couple more kids, working full time, commuting, weekends running around, etc etc... and life just got in the way. We started taking shortcuts when it came to meals and snacks.

DIY LEGO costume

Have a LEGO fan at home?? You must make this costume!

With Halloween just around the corner, I thought I'd share the LEGO costume we made for The Boy last year. It turned out so well, and was surprisingly easy to make with just a cardboard box, some tape, paint, and red Solo cups!

We started with a fairly large box, cut oval holes for the head and arms, as well as a larger hole in the bottom with plenty of room to walk. We taped the edges of the box where we'd cut out the holes to make them smoother. In this case we used masking tape -- if I did this again I'd use something that would stay stuck better once painted, as the masking tape started to lift with the wet paint.

  

Next we took it outside and spray painted the box red (to make a red LEGO piece!). I used a Rustoleum spray paint ("Ultra Cover") in a bright red colour... it turned out perfectly and took about 3 light coats to really cover the box. 

 

Now to make it really look like a big LEGO brick... we taped red SOLO cups that we had cut down to about half the height to the front of the box using red electrical tape. The bigger the box, the more 'bumps' you could use. We chose 6 bumps for this size box.

Finally, we printed a few LEGO logos that we found online, and glued those to the side of the 'brick'. We also taped one to a red baseball hat and dressed The Boy in a red shirt and black pants. 

I think it turned out really well... certainly no mistaking what he was dressed up as, and he just LOVED the costume! It was worn many times after Halloween too...

Waving the White Flag

(please send chocolate!)

I am literally hiding from my children as I write this. No joke - I'm in the laundry room, trying not to make a sound, hoping they don't think to look for me here (which is ironic, given how much time I spend in here on a regular basis). I retreated when they stormed the castle, shouting "Take no prisoners!!...". At least that's how I remember it going down.

I can't say I ever imagined life as a mom being quite like this. I thought, it can't be that hard... I mean come on - my own mother did just fine and she had a whole extra kid! I can really only remember a handful of times when she'd completely lose her schmidt and we'd think, 'Uh oh, here we go...' Clearly I had no way to know just how difficult it can be to keep one's cool when kids can just be total shitheads sometimes. 

So, why I thought keeping the kids home for a couple of weeks this summer would be a good idea is beyond me. Well that's not true - in fact I don't think I ever considered it a "good idea" at all. Just that I'd be home with the baby on maternity leave, and I felt some kind of duty to have the other two with me. Isn't that what moms are supposed to do in the summer? I imagined taking them to the beach, playground, on picnics... Doing fun crafts, flying kites, catching bugs, sidewalk chalk on the drive way, bikes, watermelon...

Of course, that was before I wound up with a 6-year-old with a cast on his arm, an up-and-at-em 3.5-year-old (who still kind-of needs her daily nap in the afternoon), and weather alternating between sweltering heat and pouring rain. To say things aren't going according to plan would be an understatement. I'm not mom-of-the-year, or even the summer... I am yelly/snappy/aggravated mom and it ain't pretty. I don't want to yell, but for some reason any voice I use other than LOUD doesn't seem to make it to their brains. Odd, since The Hubs and I can be in another room speaking quietly and they will hear every word!

But I digress. Since I can't take the kids to the beach, or anywhere near water, and now it's raining (again), it seems we're a bit stuck getting on each others nerves because who wants to just sit at home all day? Which is why I found myself hiding in the laundry room... And when they went postal and started throwing stuff and screaming, that's when I waved the white flag and announced that it's Quiet Time and everyone was sent to their rooms, including the baby. Not without some negotiation, mind you (it turns out we do, in fact, negotiate with terrorists - at least in this house) - I got 25 minutes of Quiet Time in exchange for three shows later. I'm not sure who won that exchange, I just know its quiet in my house for the first time all day and I got to use the bathroom ALONE. Small victories.

Have I mentioned it's only the first day of "vacation"?.... Please send wine and chocolate. And this is why kids go to summer camp!!